Tag Archives: Bayonetta

Six Of The Greatest Computer and Video Games Ever


Ever since I could hold a dial contoller and make the lines go up and down on a pong machine I’ve been playing computer games. Not that that qualifies me at all to make any kind of judgement upon what makes a good game or not, it simply shows that I’m getting old and still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

So anyway spambots, I have been thinking long and deeply about some of what I consider the best of gaming… EVER!!! Obviously as I write this in the middle of October 2010 it may not be valid for very long… Indeed I might well have changed my mind by tomorrow, but here goes:

6) Mass Effect 2 – This game truly is a work of genius. Just about the only adventure game I’ve ever played where I actually gave a stuff about what NPCs had to say. I must have sat through hours of dialogue and not got bored, wore out the continue button, fell asleep or went off in search of food once. Remarkable. In addition, I don’t think I got lost in game either, saving literally tonnes of virtual shoe leather. Good adventures? This is how it’s done!

5) Modern Warfare 2 – The second sequel on our list proves the point that video games are utterly unlike videos. For those of you who are 20 years old or less a video is an archaic device used to store films and movies. They were big plastic bulky things, and if you were posh you could put them in covers that made them look like books from the side. Anyway, most movie sequels are about flogging the dead horse in a vain attempt to cash in. Game sequles are about taking a game and making it better. MW2 happens to be just about the greatest FPS game, technically and especially playability wise. Single player – great, multiplayer – amazing, co-operative – a right laugh. Yes PC owners whinge that it doesn’t have LAN support. It’s best played on a console where the playing fields are level and victory cannot be bought at your local PC component store.

4) Grand Theft Auto 4 – I know a guy from eastern europe who happens to be called Niko. He also looks like the protagonist of this great game. Fortunately he has never tried to carjack me or rob a bank. I did pay him to help paint my house and assemble a bathroom though, and I would say that maybe he’d be wise to keep his options open for a career in crime. Regardless, GTA4 is amazing. The attention to detail is fantastic. Even if breaking the law is not your thing you can spend hours watching the TV, going to shows and surfing the internet in game. It’s seriously hilarious. The game proper though is a great high quality adventure into the seedy underworld of Liberty City, with enough freedom to keep you playing for days. It’s the jewel in the crown of Rockstar Games, but also recommended are the similar Grand Theft Cowboy (Red Dead Redemption) and Grand Theft School (Bully).

3) Gears Of War 2 – Want a game with sex drugs and rock n’ roll? Pfff… that’s for wimps! Get up close and personal with one of the most brutal and excitng games you’ll ever play! Once you’ve hacked, slashed, blasted and sawed your way through an excellent single player or co-op campaign, you then have the further fun of brilliant multiplayer options. Gears of War 2 has a serious ace which will keep you hacking, slashing, blasting and sawing for years to come. What? Two words – Horde Mode.

2) Bayonetta – What the heck is this doing at number two? I’ll tell you what, it’s a veritable feast of awesome. Everything about this game is absolutely stunning and I’d say that even if the main character was a fat bloke called Dave who walks around with his wang out. Visually it’s incredible, aurally it’s amazing and it all glues together with such seamless effortlessness and flow to produce the ultimate beat ’em up. Give typewriters to an infinite number of monkeys and eventually they’ll produce the full works of Shakespeare. Give computers and hallucinogenic drugs to an infinite number of programmers and I don’t think they’d come close to producing something this crazily amazing.

1) World Of Warcraft – The greatest game ever made. Seriously. Hmm, I am beginning to doubt my own sanity. But just look at it, Warcrack is so immersive that it’s very hard to find a regular player who hasn’t had some kind of addiction to the game. It’s phenomenal once you get into it, all you need is a PC with GameBoy type specifications and a smattering of social skills and you are off into this crazy world of adventure which can and literally will suck your life away. The repercussions of Warcrack will become apparent in a few years as a generation comes of age lacking in qualifications and suntans, having squandered the best years of their lives holed away in basements doing the safety dance and grinding their Hodir rep. Good? – definitely. Addictive? – dangerously!

Things Not On This List:

1) Old games – Populous was great. Notice the WAS. Resident Evil was incredible. Again notice the WAS. They’ve all been redone, a million times better on far superior hardware. Only a true masochist or someone living at the bottom of a swamp would think that Elite is still the best space opera game ever. Groundbreaking, yes, the best game ever to grace the BBC Micro, sure. Possibly the best game on the planet by a long way on it’s release. Take off your rose tinted spectacles, play it on an emulator and see how it pales in comparison to games you can even get on your mobile phone.

2) Nintendo – Run by plumbers? Never played any of their games in any serious measure (well not since they refused to add blood to Mortal Kombat on the SNES, a bit like doing a wrestling game without the spandex). I do own a Wii, which is revolutionary in terms of game controllers but its a kind of fun thing for social gatherings. I don’t rush home from work to get in a round of Wii Sports Golf. Oh yeah, Goldeneye 64 was the best game of it’s day, but see ‘1) Old Games’.

3) Any Other MMO – Warcraft is far more popular. Admit it, you invested 3 months in levelling a toon in a game people only play when the WoW servers run maintenance.

4) Sonic The Hedgehog – Haha not a chance you spikey freak!

Captain Birdseye’s Xbox 360 of COD and Modern Warfare 2


So finally I struck Xbox (live) gold. Call it very late in the day to be a real fan but I finally got my hands on Modern Warfare 2 on the Xbox 360. My last attempts were foiled when I took some old COD titles to my local gaming shop and managed to exchange them for Bayonetta. That shopkeeper is a sly one! But hey, I was not at all disappointed, in fact I blogged about it *here*. Several weeks of insane gameplay later and I finally completed it (after giving God a good kicking – Bayonetta is that kind of game!). So with wifely permission I set off again to my friendly local retailer who this time was willing to let me buy MW2.

Now then, the first thing I noticed is that the bloke from MW2 doesn’t have guns in his shoes. Bad times. Also he doesn’t wear librarian glasses. And his hair cannot morph into enormous demons and eat his foes. Nor does he ever get naked, and he completely fails to walk on any ceilings. Hopefully then you can understand my initial disappointment with this title. However, I was willing to persevere through these flaws…

Honestly, this game is amazing! So yeah, you guys have been loving this title for ages, but seriously, wow! This is what Xbox Live was made for! First person shooters have never felt so good! For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last few years, here is a a brief summary of how the Call Of Duty games go: If you are awesome: Move, shoot, kill. If you are a noob (like me): Move, bang, look at ceiling. I won’t go into complete review mode, but just mention why I think this particular game stands out, and why you should play it on Xbox.

Why Xbox 360?

So I have a friend, who is a PC nut. All multiplayer shooty games should be played on a PC. Well I say he is incorrect, probably even elitist, and by being so he is missing a major trick. A good gaming PC could whup an Xbox 360 any day. And that is the problem. If I am crap at a game I could feasibly go out, spend a large wedge of green on hardware and internet to give me an advantage. I can buy my way to victory. Failing that, I could run bots and hacks and win that way. Us Xbox 360 players don’t have these issues. The playing field is level, everyone has the same gear. If you beat me it is because you are better than me. If I beat you it is because I was lucky or you goofed up. As for how it compares to the Playstation 3 version, I don’t know. My experience is that most titles are of similar standards across both platforms. However PS3 online is free, Xbox live costs money. An important life lesson I have learned is that you get what you pay for… Beyond that I couldn’t possibly comment!

What Makes It A Great COD?

It’s breathtakingly exciting in it’s single player mode. It’s the kind of game that has you trying to dodge the bullets by moving your head (and by the looks of things that might be the only exercise some players get). It’s a non stop rollercoaster with a good storyline. Take it to multiplayer and we are in a different league. Multiplayer is where it’s at. When I was a kid I used to play ‘army’ a lot with my little buddies. We would run around, hide in bushes with pretend guns and make dakka noises at each other all day. Nowadays I am far too respectable and unfit to pull any such kind of stunt, but with MW2 I don’t need to. I can now be Rambo in a vitual world, and get shot at by people from every country. The great thing is though, it doesn’t really matter anymore if you are a little slow on the controls. If you fluff things up a lot, the game almost pats you on the head and sends you back outside like your mum used to. Bad players get special perks after three deaths which are pretty powerful to allow them to stand a chance. Also, when you do finally made a kill the game cheers and claps and showers you in xp beyond the wildest dreams of decent players. You get xp for killing the enemy, bonus xp for finally aiming straight, bonus xp for getting your revenge on those pesky good players and so on. It really does try to appeal to every gamer, and on the whole I think it succeeds.

Hogwart’s Delinquent Class Alumnus – Bayonetta (XBOX 360)


One thing that puzzles me about wizards and witches is why do they sometimes wear spectacles? Hey, I’m Harry Potter, I can slay really dangerous monsters but I can’t opticus correctus my eyesight. And since when did Sarah Palin go to Hogwarts?

I am obviously talking about the relatively mysterious recent Xbox 360 offering of Bayonetta. You’ve maybe seen the trailers, I know I did, and was completely baffled. What the heck is going on here then? Statements such as ’10/10′, ‘Best Game Ever!’ and ‘Look What The 11th Governer of Alaska Is Up To Now!’ were popping onto the TV screen in abundance (OK maybe I made the last one up), but as to what the game was about we were left in the dark.

So anyway, I went to my local game trading store with a few old Xbox 360 titles, hoping to trade them in for Modern Warfare 2. They didn’t have it, so to cut short a long and largely irrelevant story of looking through the shelf racks, asking the shopkeeper and not finding what I was after, I walked out of there with Bayonetta.

Every once in a while a game comes along which seems to break all conventions and boundaries. Bayonetta is that kind of game. You play the part of a hyperopic witch on a quest to find out her past and generally cause havoc to hordes of angels along the way. At it’s heart, Bayonetta is a beat ’em up. Kind of like a classy Dynasty Warriors. But it’s also an adventure game, maybe a bit like the age old Dragon’s Lair or Soul Reaver. It’s also a bit like interactive anime. It’s also a boss killing game, maybe a bit like Shadow of The Colossus. What I am trying to convey here is that it’s a game that doesn’t really fit into any neat category. Not that it really matters for these are not the game’s best features.

The most memorable bit about Bayonetta is that it takes all of these ideas, sticks them all in a big pot, mixes them all up and then adds a big dose of the crazy juice and then presents the whole trippy package in a completely accessable form. The end result is truly headspinning. For example, in the first level you are kicking angel butt on a giant clock tower, which is hurtling towards the ground, your witchiness allowing you to defy gravity and stay on the clock face as the horizon giddily spins and the ground hurtles towards you. Next time you play you might be fighting a giant boss, shooting it in the face with the guns in your shoes as you flap around on butterfly wings and alter the flow of time. You might even do well enough that your hair turns into a giant demon and eats the foe on your behalf. Add to that the occasional fun of throwing your opponent into an iron maiden you just summoned while you walk on the ceiling and I hope you get the picture.

The thing is though, as insane as it is, the game does all this crazy stuff flawlessly. At no point do you think that it is out of place to suddenly start surfing an angel on a wave of lava. The controls are smooth too, and soon enough you can cause some real havoc and give yourself a good dose of nausea. In addition, when you are not defying all laws of reality you are presented with really good cutscenes. Usually I find storylines and cutscenes in games terribly tedious, but these are really worth watching.

So do I like Bayonetta? Yes I sure do! It has completely blown me away. It is seriously worth getting it simply for the experience. The amount of polish in this game really has to be seen to be believed and those 10/10 reviews have truly been earned. Its not so much a game, but more of a multimedia experience. Should I have bought Modern Warfare 2 instead? That’s a tricky one. I think Bayonetta is seriously the better purchase, but Modern Warfare 2’s amazing multiplayer means it will still be very enjoyable long after the second and third play through.