Regular Blockbuster Pants


So yesterday’s post was just an excuse to post a picture of a smurf, today we will get back to the grey matter challenge that is 6InchMove.

Firstly, before I get into the meat of the post, I need to define a blockbuster film… I mean a film with a massive budget and huge amount of special effects. Take that, Oxford Dictionary!

I did allude yesterday to a phenomenon called ‘Regular Blockbuster Pants’. Now I hope it’s not just because I’m old and jaded but generally if a movie is counted as a blockbuster you can almost guarantee it will have some lame excuse of a storyline. There are of course notable exceptions, and this is not a new thing in cinema. Anyone remember ‘Teen Wolf’? ‘Teen Wolf Too’? Precisely. Hollywood has been doing lame storylines for blockbusters since year zero. It’s a case of including so many special effects and getting the audience so amazed that they miss the gaping plot holes. Seriously, in the 80’s Michael J Fox turning into a werewolf was so jaw droppingly amazing that the script could have been written by a yucca plant and they would have gotten away with it. A case in point, I recently I went to see the second Transformers film. I can’t even remember if it had a plot my head was so stuffed with special effects. I could have been watching random exploding robot porn for all I know.

So anyway, that got me thinking, who is the target audience for this kind of film? Obviously some numbskulls, right? Always go for the lowest denominator and stuff. I went to see Avatar in 3D again. As usual I bought waaay too much drink to sit still through the whole thing. I looked around my fellow cinema goers for clues as I made the wise move of sitting at the front. The effects are amazing I thought as I walked the mile to my car after the film, having failed to park nearby. I continued to ponder why they would dumb down the blockbuster, as I drove to the garage, filled my car and accidentally deflated the tyres through not paying attention to the air pump instructions. I thought of whom this kind of script might appeal to as I realised half way home that I had forgotten to pick up some groceries. I was still thinking about it when I got home and realised I had failed to collect some computer cables, despite purposely having parked near a computer shop.

But seriously, blockbusters are fun. They are good for a laugh, but it makes me sad when good opportunities are wasted through poor plots. Why not make a good movie an epic movie? My feelings are that for some reason film makers are limited to around two and half hours maximum. Any more and the audiences might lose concentration, right? This then leads to ruthless editing, and the story begins to suffer. Shame, really. I suspect it is for this reason that director’s cuts are usually much longer, better and make much more sense than the released movie. Here’s hoping for some good director’s cuts in future!

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