In the afternoon light the ancient Eldar Autarch Cleddyf, leader of the Eldar Warhost Colledig, glimps a sight of their foe; the Orks! Though to be fair the Eldar had known of the greenskins presence for sometime, you really can’t hide the smell of hundreds of sweaty Orks that all have a severe soap allergy. The stench was so overpowering that Cleddyf considered laying down his shuriken pistol and grabbing some shower gel. His scouts even informed him that most of these Orks were so dirty that you couldn’t even see any green on them, though there may have been other reasons for this. This is my own telling if my match with ZombiePirateXXX, and i hope to keep with the Eldar theme.
I deployed my Eldar mostly on my left and in the centre, close to two of the five objectives that were on the table, and within potential striking distance of a third. I felt a little un-nerved by being so heavily out numbered (remember that I have been playing 40k for 16yrs and have been using Tyranids the whole time – I only got the Eldar about a year ago – so being outnumbered is still an unusual experience for me).
TURNS 1&2: Well things didn’t start to well. Most of my ranged weaponry was out of range and the firm prism missed. In total I must have killed about 2 Orks in my first shooting phase. Cleddyf looked at the information displays inside the Wave Serpent and a feeling almost akin to despair came over him. More practice at the firing ranges Eldar!
The Orks proceeded to spend the first two turns ripping into the Eldar. The poor guardians didn’t stand a chance as out of the skies came a mob of Orks attached to ACME rockets. One even had a slight coyote look to him. In the centre the guardians that had moved forward to an objective had killed most of the foul greenskins that faced them, but alas it was not enough. The Farseer had obviously not seen it coming as himself and the guardians that were with him were quickly overcome by BO and died gasping for breath. The Dire Avenegers and D-cannons fared little better as they were outshot by Orks! How embarrassing thought Cleddyf, out-shot by a bunch of near-sighted savages.
TURN 3: Things looked pretty bad at this point most of my army was dead. Then the Fire Dragons do what they do best and cooked the Mega-Nobz. All that armour serving only to help the baking process (boil in the tin anyone?). They were a little well done, but at least they smelt better. The destruction of the Wave Serpent to a Nob with a power claw at first seemed like a bad thing, but then Cleddyf led his Striking Scorpions into the fray; the result being a bunch of dead Orks. “Damn it! Theres Ork blood all over my nice green armour!” – Cleddyf
Two turns and about 60 Orks later, Cleddyf faced the Warboss one-on-one (well ok there was an Exarch with him, but he didn’t really do anything) and put down that filthy monstrosity. “I think I might have stepped in something horrid” – Cleddyf
This left just the final mob of shooters against Cleddyf the Ork killer, his trusted Scorpion Exarch, two Avengers and a Fire Prism. So from what looked likely to be a crushing defeat turned into a close fought game that at turn 5 was a draw. The game went on to turn 6, and I was not able to get to the Orks in time to do any damage as like a bad fungal infection, they spread themselves out over the battlefield and captured a second objective. The game ended as a 1-2 loss to me. But what can I say, it was one of the coolest games of 40K I have ever played. “The patterns of fate will bring us once more to the battlefield foul greenskins!” – Cleddyf
So what did I learn from this battle?
- Turtle! Unless your Tyranids don’t move towards an Ork army.
- Don’t worry about numbers; with the right unit you literally CAN kill them all.
- Scorpions rock!! (ok I got lucky on a few armour saves but still – Scorpions Rock!!)
- Scorpions Rock!!!
- Get a second close combat unit – whilst the Scorpions were away from the bulk of my army I had nothing to oppose the Ork advance.
- Fire Dragons are great at a barbeque.
- And finally – Scorpions Rock!!!!