What’s Green and Dead Killy? – It’s Not Always Orks…


As promised here is the battle report from our pilgrimage to geek central. Gribblin took his Eldar (apparently it’s easier to travel with a load of vanity obsessed lady-boys who like matching accessories than a horde of evil alien beasties who want to mate with your face) and I took along my, far more manly and personal hygiene averse, Orks.

I have also been asked to do this from an Orky point of view, so *clears throat* here it goes;

Warboss Tuffgit – “Right ‘den ladz. I’z da Warboss and mah sneeky gitz has scouted around and found some tasty looking loot around ‘ere. OI! Come back ‘ere Scrogg, that loot isn’t goin’ anywhere yet and you bes’ keep yer hands off the good stuff before I bash yer stinkin’ ‘ed in.

As I wos sayin’ dere’s loot out there for us boys, but dem pointy ear space panzies is looking to get a kickin’ as they fink dis loot is dere’s. Guess we iz just gonna haf to prove dem wrong. Hur hur.”

“Where’s my zoggin’ Trukk, winch those Mega-nobz in there gud. I want to be krumpin stuff first!.

Step on it! Head for that group of panzies cowering behind that building, they’re heading for where da loot is!”

Big Mek – “Right ladz, we’ve nice and safe in dis ‘ere buildin’ see those blue looking wussies  over there? Yeah, the ones running towards that set of rocks, give ’em a blast from da deffguns! HA! See dem runnin’ good shootin’ ladz. Now, if I click dis button ‘ere and flick dis switch, gud, da spinny wot-sits is working – ZAP! I hit dat tank fing, time to ‘oover up some more snotlings.”

First turn – Most of my army charged forwards. We were playing for 5 objectives that had been placed all over the map, I do have some piccies that might make more sense for the layout. Pretty much everything was ruins and that is where the objectives were placed. The Eldar deployed in the middle and on their left flank, my Ork just filled with whole table edge with the Warboss and his Mega-nobz in a trukk on the left backed up by the Shoota Boyz squad and the Stormboyz. I had my Lootas and SAG Mek in a building in m y deployment zone and another unit of slugga boyz on the right flank and the final 2 units of Slugga Boyz in the middle ready to run up the battlefield. I was pretty happy with my deployment.

From now on I’ll just post the thoughts of my Orks on their various turns. I am sure Gribblin can come and give his point of view too.

Turn 2

Warboss Tuffgit – “Right ladz, lets get owt of dis wagon before we get shot up.”

Stormboyz – “ere we go, ere we go, ere we go, chargin’ into units of panzies! Krump, krump, krump see dem running away.”

Boyz mobs – “Keep runnin’ we need to get our hands on da loot before the *BANG* Well, guess that’s more loot for we who iz left.”

Big Mek – “Let’s try dis again… aimin’ for dose big floaty platform things, they seem to be shooting da boyz up. ***ZAPPPP*** Hur hur, dey ‘sploded. Lootas, shoot some more of dem blue boyz who was running away earlier, good shootin’ ladz.”

Warboss – “Right, let’s charge that tank thing what is floatin’ nearby, what do you mean your leg’s stuck, you paid good teef for that zogging armour and now you can’t move because you’re stuck? Zog me.”

Turn 3

Boyz – “Ere, dat floaty wagon is makin’ towards da Mek, betcha 20 teef I can get dere first and kill stuff. What do ya mean me axe won’t hurt it? See, dere’s our nob punching it in the…… *BANG*”

Warboss – “What are dose orange lads ? They jumped out of dat tank we couldn’t scrap coz you’re zoggin’ leg got stuck Slackwort, dose look like some nasty gu…. bloody ‘ell dey just melted half me retinyou… cretinou…retin…me mates.”

Stormboyz – “Oi, dat’s da boss over there and he just got slagged by dem orange gizas, maybe we should give him a hand?”

Turn 4

Lootas – “Help, we have green fings wot isn’t Orkz killing us….argggghhhhh.”

Big Mek – “Is alright lads, all I got to do is flick this……*WHOMF* /big mek vanishes in a flash of lightning leaving only his sming boots behind/”

The rest of the battle can really be summarised by the line ” We iz getting shot up.”

With 5 loot objective round the table I was holding two and the Eldar one. Two Dire Avengers were all that was left of their unit and they were camping their objective. I had my Shoota Boyz squad holed in a wood sitting on their objective. For the first three turns I had blasted and chopped my way through a decent portion of the Eldar army, although the Fire Prism was annoyingly still at full strength. My Warboss had butchered a Falcon and the Stormboyz had seen off a Guardian squad as well as the Fire Dragons that had seen the end of the Mega-nobz. The Wave Serpent that had got to my deployment zone was falcon punched by a nob with a power klaw causing its precious cargo of Scorpions and attendant Autarch to punch out. This turned out to have been a bad move on my part. The Scorpions went into the Lootas with expected results. My Big Mek tried to shoot them and for the third game in a row rolled a double 1 and vaporised himself. A full mob of 20 Orks went into the Scorpions and took some casualties, they fought back only to see Gribblin only fail a single armour save! The sweeping advance hacked the rest of the unit apart. The following turn the Scorpions went into another unit of boyz, again hacking them to pieces and running them down. This left my depleted boyz mob who held the centre objective facing the almost full strength Scorpions. They’d already seen two units of 20 get wiped out. In went the Scorpions, slaughtered all but a couple of boyz and the Nob, who did a couple of wounds back but were still soundly beaten. This left us with one objective a piece. The Warboss wandered over and did a fantastic job of showing why I shouldn’t even bother buying him ‘eavy armour as the scorpions shot at him before assault and took two wounds off him as I couldn’t pass the 4+ saves….

He was then finished off by the Autarch in assault. Not one of Tuffgit’s most glorious moments. All that I had left on the table was my Shoota Boyz and the Trukk the Mega-nobz had been rolling in that had had its Big Shoota blown off. So, in true Ork fashion I conga-lined the shoota boyz so that the sat on two objectives. It boiled down to the last turn of the Autarch against the Boyz. I shot the unit, they took casualties, leadership test was taken, they legged it. Rallied in the final turn but were out of range for assaulting so the Orks won 2-1.

I have to say that this was one of the most fun games I have had. For the first few turns the Eldar got hammered by the Orks but then the Scorpions single-handedly seemed to be winning them the game for the last few turns as they carved through Boyz mobs like they weren’t even there. Although, there was some decent rolling for armour saves on Gribblin’s part. However, that just added some nice tension to the game. By turn 6 we both had virtually nothing left and we were heading for a draw as Gribblin was heading to contest one of my objectives to tie the game 1-1. Luck was on my side though but this was a very close and bloody game.

Once my home internet is fixed I will probably update with a couple of photos that I took.

Things I learnt from this game;

  • Need larger units of Boyz like I thought I did. Was already working on modified list before this game
  • Dethkoptas are useless, two game so far and they have done nothing worth mentioning
  • Stormboyz are ace. Despite Servitob not believing me on how they work, checking my Codex and then going to check with a GW employee…
  • SAG can be fun, but with BS2, scatter and an unerring ability to vapourise himself, I don’t think he will be coming back for a while
  • Do not let Striking Scorpions get near units of Boyz. Not stricly a 100% valid maxim as although they will reap a bloody tally I normally get a load of attacks back, passing 99% of armour saves is annoying
  • Do not chuck Mega-Nobz near melta weapons, although going against fast vehicles kind of limits how evasive I can be
  • 40k is an awesome game and lots of fun
  • Roll on Jan 30th when myself and Servitob will be facing a horde of the new Nids, the true face of Gribblin
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