Alright, I admit it, deep within my tortured soul lies an appreciation of Kzer-Za. What the heck is that? I hear you ask. Well, back in the days of the early nineties when all Sci-Fi was appropriately rubbish and suitably cheesy there were a couple of guys peddling this computer game franchise called ‘Star Control’.
The first of the series, surprisingly entitled ‘Star Control‘ was an awesomely shooty space game. Loads of weird aliens in strange spaceships face off in glorious 2D interstellar battle. Imagine Street Fighter II, except Ryu has mysteriously become a massive green Ur-Quan Dreadnought, and instead of punching opponents he spews forth fusion fire with suitable pew pew noises, and launches small autonomous fighters out of his butt which harrass his enemy. In this case his enemy is Dhalsim, who through the skills of yoga magic has metamorphosed into a Chenjesu Broodhome, a starship the size of a moon with an entire crew made of giant electrical crystals, launching enormous charged shards infinite distances to wreck anything smaller than a planet. You get the picture.
Anyway, along comes this game ‘Star Control II‘. This game is like the first but hundreds of times better. It’s gone beyond hyper fighting. This time those nasty Ryus, i mean Ur-Quan, have enslaved the galaxy and the Dhalsims (the Chenjesu) have gone missing. You play the part of an escaped Human who must save the galaxy. How? Well, you need to get some people on your team. Travel the galaxy (and extra dimensions) to find weird and zany alien races. Some are friendly, some are hostile. All is not lost however, because a large contingent of Kens (Ur-Quan Kohr-Ah) have shown up recently and started somewhat of a civil war with the Ryus (Ur-Quan Kzer-Za). Both are equally matched, and like Ryu and Ken are of the same species and fighting style but will quite happily beat the snot out of each other. Here is your opportunity, with the masters of the galaxy in a fight to the death you might just be able to liberate everyone. Anyway, the plot is delicious, the aliens are awesome and the twists and turns along the way are succulent.
So why the heck am I telling you all of this? Well, recently I downloaded ‘The Ur-Quan Masters‘, a fan remake of the original, and its awesome. Quite possibly the best remake ever. Yeah the game is ancient, but heck, its still so involved and the fun is still there. Stuck for something to do? Go download it and go blast something. As the infinitely incomprehensible Mycon say: ‘Juffo-Wup fills my cells and I grow turgid. Violent action ensues!’