I know what you’re thinking. “Does this guy have anything to do other than sit online blogging?” Well, sure but sometimes you need to get things aired and there is no better medium for finding people who are willing to agree and disagree with you than the highways and byways of the Interwebz.

Therefore, I’d like to direct your collective attentions here. This has the potential to be a highly charged topic. I know this isn’t specifically a video games blog but  every single contributor here spends time playing them and as it’s our blog we’ll damn well post what we want! So, perhaps a civilised discussion about this then?

To be honest, it may be perceived that I have a bias as I’m sitting in the video game playing community side of things, I don’t own Modern Warfare 2, nor do I plan to. However, we see more and more in the media an attack upon video games as a form of entertainment. Just like rock n’ roll in the 50’s we have a new media being accused of the corruption of our youth. I’d like to think by now that humanity would have caught up with that people are free to make their own choices and sometimes they choose badly. This is nothing new but as society has aged and grown we have now entered this amazing era where someone else is to blame. Your kid goes out and tries to car jack some dude on the street? Must be GTA IV’s fault, after all, he’s been playing that for weeks.

Well, perhaps your 13-year-old shouldn’t be playing a game that is rated 18, you could also do some crazy thing like interact with your kids rather than let a console do the job of raising them… outlandish idea I know, I fully expect to be burnt at the stake for such radical and dangerous thinking. However, let’s have a proper look at just what the article linked to is saying.

War crimes are capable of being committed in computer games. You could argue that regular crimes are committed in computer games all the time and yet not all gamers are repeat offending compulsive criminals. I’ve pickpocketed stuff on my Rogue in Warcraft but have never lifted anything (nor tried it) from an actual person. We could also look at real warfare, war itself is a brutal act of destruction and invariably good does not come out of it. I’m not going to go into history and pick specific examples of anything but I do not believe that war is good, we consider ourselves an enlightened species yet we still fight each other over perceived differences. Being able to commit war crimes in a computer game is, to me, no different from the often seen lack of regard for the so-called rules by many parties engaged in armed conflicts. If you want to show through a media such as the computer the true decisions that are faced by a man on the ground then obviously they are doing a grand job. It is even possible that if certain acts are performed covertly enough or with enough like-minded individuals that in real life it is possible to get away with these things. There are many armed forces around the world today that are committing what are defined as war crimes and yet we get all hissy over a game that allows someone to make those choices. Yes, perhaps there could be some repercussions from those choices (more traditionally RPG territory though) but you tend to find that it is only the west that really and truly abides by these conventions in the conflicts going on in the world today.

Now, is this really about war crimes or, more likely, just another attack at the video games industry to create sensational headlines that will help to sell copy? I’ll leave that to your judgement. However, not everyone that plays these games is a sociopath. In RPGs that allow you to take different moral routes I will often play through at least twice in order to experience both sets of outcomes, I personally find it a lot harder to go through the bad as opposed to taking the good. Yet, in video game land, I can be an uncaring, insensitive person without having to face the consequences myself, however, the character inevitably does. Is it really any different than reading certain works of fiction that portray these kinds of things, or watching a movie?

Yet, while these kinds of media are accepted as soon as something appears in a video game everyone is up in arms. Perhaps this is due to the fact that video games are so prevalent in our homes that society feels compelled to yet again cry out with “won’t someone think of the children” well, in my opinion the person that should be thinking of the children are the parents and they should exercise discretion about the media that their offspring are subjected to. This may not be the preferred method of parenting these days but I think we can all see the consequences of that right now.

I imagine this story will have its moment in the sun and then vanish into the ether alongside all the other “computer games will bring about the apocalypse” style stories. I’m just stunned by the fact that people are bemoaning that a game allows you to commit war crimes (something that isn’t new to video games) when so many real life armies flaunt these “rules” anyway. If everyone agreed and fought the same way, then perhaps they’d have a case, by something that is supposed to represent the real world being labelled as bad because it does a good job of mirroring real life… well, I have no coherent answer to that.

As has been mentioned on these boards before I am an extremely slow painter. Not only that but I am beset by a fickleness that is well documented in my MMO playing. No matter what game I play I am normally accompanied by a horde of alts. I have already described the pernicious disease that is New Army Syndrome and therefore you can imagine how my normal whimsy can sometimes mutate into “super-whimsy”(TM). Now, my purpose today is not to talk about my many and varied idiosyncrasies nor my inherent psychological instability but more of a time when cosmic forces align to somehow influence us beyond our normal ken.

Over the past few days I am feeling something that I don’t think I have felt in quite a long time. I actually do quite enjoy painting and sometimes hold myself back from doing it more often, hence the consternation of my venerable gaming brethren who are often heard to lament the fact that nothing I have is actually fully painted. However, I believe that sometimes these things are down to motivation and if you do things right, well, in my case it may be that miracles can happen. I haven’t had a fully painted army since I was in my teenage years and that’s quite a time ago now, obviously this needs rectifying. I have finally come up with a project that is enthusing me. I have plans, actual proper plans for getting things done, I have an army list that I am super excited and happy about. I believe that I know what I am doing and for the first time in as long as I can remember I want to throw down this army on the tabletop as 100% painted! A tall order no doubt considering my notoriously slow style. This is going to happen and I reckon it’s also going to look half decent. I refer you back a couple sentences to where I refer to that fact that I have PLANS!!! Yes, plans! As a part of this I need to further motivate myself so that I do not just let things flag, this army list is not going to drop down until I have painted it, hence a second level of motivation here so, I can publically declare that I will not play a proper game of Warhammer Fantasy until I have put the finishing touches to this army. I am a grown man, it’s time that I did actually have something like this to be proud of and I reckon I finally have the excitement and drive to do it.

No doubt the people in my playing circle will also be super excited to see this. Gribblin might feel annoyed that he is robbed of his regular opponent but with nBreaker and another addition to our circle I can try to lend my talents to teaching them the game while I see them enjoying themselves and thus driving my desire to play even more and increasing the chances I have of being forced to complete my pledge. I reckon that this is the only way I have of getting something full painted. I need to do it. I can still partake of Uncharted Seas and I plan too, but the fun we’ve recently been having with Warhammer I don’t want to miss out on and I am going to do this. Motivating myself in this fashion coupled with the fact that I am actually excited about this list I hope that things combine into a successful implementation.

So Interwebz, have you ever been in the same boat as this? Do you often find yourself fighting the drudgery and need something fresh to inspire you? Or are you all top-notch people who paint everything as soon as you have it and get it on the table?

Answers on a postcard (or in the comments section, which might be easier.)

 

Games Workshop have released details of this year’s Games Day miniature. This is a “freebie” they throw in with your tickets, although as the tickets cost £4billion each I hardly class it as free. These things normally end up on eBay with someone asking way over the odds for them. Personally I’ve never been to the GW ultimate geek-day as it clashes with other things, but, here we have a pic of the 2010 Games Day Chaos Sorceror for your viewing pleasure. I think it’s quite good.

 

OK, so just a quick post today, but this relates to a very interesting article I read only last week. It was about people writing letters to their younger selves, in a kind of time warp fashion. Essentially, what nuggets of wisdom would you give to yourself?

Then I became a father, so it got me thinking what would I tell my younger sidekick? Obviously some pretty important and serious stuff, but this being a gaming blog and all and being in a jovial mood, what gaming lessons you had learned do you think would be important?

1) Don’t mistake six sided D3s for D6s.

“I can’t believe the dice rolling was so bad in that game! I don’t think we rolled a single good dice all game! I didn’t realise a minor skirmish game of Warhammer could take so long to play!”

“Hey mate, where are the 6s on these dice?”

2) Don’t buy a Standard Land Raider, ever.

“Raarrrgh check out the mega twin-linked lascannons on this behemoth! Pew pew! Oh no that flying demon has a really big sword….. Arrrrgggh NOOOO!” Crump.

“Grrrrr time for revenge with my mega all round super armour! Hey! Where did those wimpy Eldar come from? Wimpy Eldar shouldn’t carry big melta guns!!!” Kaboom.

“Right now its time to cause some havoc with my badass assault ramps! Haha outta my way foul Orks! Beep beep! Oi what are you doing with that power klaw?! Not again!!!” Kablam.

3) Don’t substitute models for pieces of paper.

“Hmm so if I move my tank army into the Ukraine I can support with 3 divisions of infantry from… Achooooo! Aww crap, now the entire Wehrmacht is at the north pole or in my Dr Pepper!”

If I can think of any more I will add them in! Feel free to add your own invaluable lessons!

The Almighty Land Raider, Steel Fist of the Space Marines, a nice bit of target practice for everyone else!

Congratulations are in order. Servitob, erstwhile contributor to these very pages has become a father as of 12.28am this very morning. More details to follow but I am sure I speak for all the authors here when I pass on our sincerest congratulations on the birth of their son. We’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t follow his daddy’s footsteps and get some Space Marines!

 

FOR THE HORDE!

Right then! Which one of you spambots remembers M.U.L.E.?????

If you answered yes to the previous question I suspect you are wrong for one of two reasons:

a) It was a VERY long time ago
b) It wasn’t that well known anyway

If you can genuinely say you remember it then you are probably a gaming journalist. If you actually played it then you can give yourself an extra gaming geek sticker to adhere to your anorak. If you actually own it, then you have in your possession a genuine piece of gaming legend and history!

Here’s the intro to see if that jogs your memory!

So what was so special about robotic donkeys in space? Well, for its day it was an awesome game. Basically it was a fun colony/economics simulator. But get a load of this: FOUR PLAYERS!!!!!! Yeah you heard me, FOUR FREAKIN’ PLAYERS!!!!!! Wow, just think of it, four players, all at once…

This was groundbreaking, we had had multiplayer games before, but crikey on a moped this was something else! This was in 1983, even before the times of Gauntlet. Not only was it multiplayer, but it wasn’t a conversion from a boardgame. It was an original multiplayer experience on your computer. It was also cooperative, competitive and pvp all at once. Every action you made directly affected everyone else. Gaming had finally crept out of lonely solo play and into the bright lights of being a social hobby.

So next time you get headshotted by some idiot in Call Of Duty for the three millionth time, or some n00bs spawn camp you in Counterstrike, or some max level deathknight whoops your level 32 butt for the twelfth time in World of Warcraft, think back and remember with affection the robotic space donkey that made it all possible!

Most veterans of the art we call “miniatures gaming” will no doubt be aware of, if not afflicted by the pathological condition that I henceforth call “New Army Syndrome” or NAS for short. I think that the greatest casualties of this virulent disease are those who grew up on the staple systems of the great gaming behemoth that is Nottingham’s finest, Games Workshop. From the selection of games that I am involved with, releases are staggered across all factions except for the Warhammer and 40k crowd. I’m not saying that this condition is therefore solely restricted to those involved with Games Workshop’s games, however I would hazard a guess that it is far more prevalent in that environment, our pathogen has found its ideal incubation zone.

For those of you who may be staring in bewilderment at the monitor wondering what it is that I am babbling on about let me give you the 6 Inch Move dictionary definition of the pandemic NAS.

New Army Syndrome

Due to the release schedule of the Games Workshop product every few months a new army book is released for one of the major systems produced by said company. At this point a person infected by NAS will feel an overwhelming compulsion to purchase the new book and, once read/glanced through, will be almost helpless to resist coming up with an army list and thinking seriously about collecting said army. In terminal cases the victim is an unwilling thrall destined to collect every single new army that comes out. He or She finds him/herself unable to control the impulses that drive them into kitting out a full army of the new release. Some severe cases have been reported where the infected has gone out during a lunch break, picked up an army book and has “woken up” from some sort of waking coma and realised their front room is packed full of plastic sprues looking suspiciously like this quarter’s flavour of Space Marines. These poor souls as well as having 6 million fantasy armies and 5 million 40k armies can also field the entire starting Legions of every single First and Second Founding Space Marine Chapters.

The real sadness arises from the fact (not that they have so many Space Marines) but that there is no known cure for this condition. Instead, long-suffering spouses/girlfriends find their houses consumed by a never-ending tide of gribbly alien horrors, scantily clad Elven maidens or Technicolor armoured supermen. Only the strongest willed of humankind can fight off the insidious disease and success at doing so varies year on year.

It is more than likely that someone you know, or someone you love is afflicted by this crippling illness. Hopefully, they haven’t entered the final stages of debilitation. If you have come across someone rocking themselves, huddled in a corner crying like a little girl that they’ll “never get it all painted” then I’m afraid you have found someone in these last agonising moments of self-realisation. This melancholy exists only until the next release however, and then their poor hypothalamus is forced to produce greater amounts of Endorphins giving them the dizzying high of collecting yet another 2000pts they’ll never get around to taking out the box.

 

Some may wonder if this unhealthy expertise with such a disease could only come from one who suffers from it themselves. I would however only class myself as a minor case. I do enjoy looking over the new releases, however, I am free of Space Marines, having only one army for 40k and Fantasy but I do cast an appraising eye over most of the new books that come out. I can hold my head up proudly though as there are a lot of books I do not own, ones that have passed me by without sucking me in and I am thankful for it.

So, the next time you see your other half standing there looking over a new army book, drag him/her away! Break their arm if you have to, they’ll thank you in the end! Remember, you may be living with a NAS sufferer, this is an illness to be understood not ridiculed, the infected will need your help and if you have just picked up a paintbrush or assembled your first model, chances are you may already be incubating this condition.

We’re DOOMED!

Q. What is the weather’s favorite past time in England?

A. Raining on us.

Today I wanted to get the Dragon Lords fleet sprayed up nicely and have actually managed to achieve this goal, but the rain did try and disrupt my plans. It was a case of go outside, spray one ship, “Oh crap its starting to rain.” Go inside and wait. “Oh its stopped raining.” Go out spray another model. “Curse you rain!” etc, etc. So after a couple of hours of this joyous battle with the elements this happened…

Flower pots and blu-tack made an excellent way of holding these guys in place to spray them, but it still doesn’t stop you spraying your fingers a nice shade of grey.

Once they were given enough time to dry, I managed to make a start on the frigates. I am aiming for a dark brown hull to start with so out of my paints I drew a pot of Vallejo dark flesh tone. Once this was applied to the hull and given chance to dry, I gave them a wash with sepia ink. The (still slightly wet) result looks like this…

It’s a little bit messy around the base of the sail but other than that I think they look quite good at this stage. The sails are going to be interesting, I’ve got quite a choice for what colours to do them so I’ll probably end up doing each activation a different colour.

More to come…

This may be posted after the event but I’d just like to extend a big 6 Inch Move welcome to the latest contributor to the site, nBreaker. As the rest of us on this site are somewhat veterans of pushing metal and plastic figurines around the tops of cleverly disguised dining room furniture our newest author should be able to bring a view of things that may escape us Longbeards. I am sure that I had thought up some highly amusing anecdotes with which to embellish this welcome, but, as with many things in life, I didn’t write them down and henceforth forgot. Trust me though, it was hilarious, just chuckle to yourself quietly and pretend I didn’t have a memory like a … wait… what am I doing again?

Oh, right!

So, welcome to the club nBreaker. Just watch out for Servitob’s dice rolling and things will be fine.

ZombiePirate

So it was last weekend that Admiral Servitob set sail once more aboard his freshly recovered flagship.  This time he had spared no expense and had got his grog swilling crew sober enough to paint the ship without falling overboard or getting sea water in the varnish.  Soon enough he was to be joined in formation by the curry flavoured ZombiePirateXXX and a new dwarven ally, Captain Baerlerx Leowtodex.  The dwarf captain had brought his new flashy steeled battleship with his family fortune made in the comedy trade.  As everyone knows, dwarves make awful sailors so he was forced to spend several weeks trawling the local rivers with big nets until he had captured enough canoes, dingies, snorkellers and people falling off bridges to form a makeshift crew of the best sailors the dwarven race could muster.

Soon enough the joint forces were set upon by a bloodthirsty fleet, eager to test their mettle and prove their worth against the unsinkable yet relatively modest Admiral Servitob.  The enemy was comprised of Captain Gribblin, Lord High Lifeguard of The Elves, keeper of the sacred patent pink whistle and holder of the holy bouyancy device.  With them was the impeccably dressed human Sea Lord Banker, renowned for insisting upon only wearing his finest garments into battle, only to get them dirty with the blood of the slaughtered and therefore gain infinite grief from his laundry maid.  Following up from the rear was a new sight, the eager young Commander Threefeetly of the Dragon Lord Empire, sailing a brand new battleship.  A ship so new the crew were still busy peeling the stickers off the porthole windows as they sailed into combat.

Battle was joined, and with great yet somewhat predictable skill the Elf ship trailblazed into battle like a bunch of women at the january sales.  There were no bargain handbags or pointy stilletos to be found here though, only the deadly guns of the dwarves, shroud mages and bone griffons.  Soon enough the Elf battleship was blasted to a collection of loosely connected splinters, and had to escape to take a breather.  Unfortunately there were no nearby starbucks or cafes to buy a nice drink and a cake, so the elves were forced to sulk back in the direction they came.

The incredibly slow but jubilant dwarf captain, having made short work of the elves with extra helpings of gunpowder for everyone made slowly for the Dragon Lord battleship.  He was overtaken by a friendly bunch of sea snails who offered him a lift, but he politely declined on account that he was actually convinced that his smoke belching noisy hunk of iron must have a second gear.  Alas it didn’t so he crawled along.  No such trouble for the Dragon Lords though, who having read all the instruction manuals and filled in all their warranty cards were positively flying into battle.  Soon enough the Dwarves were within range and Captain Threefeetly ordered his strangely androgenous crew to open fire.  The shots pierced the mighty hull of the dwarven battleship, setting fire to the beard laquer store on board.  There was a tremendous explosion as fourteen tonnes of hair products combusted simultaneously, wrecking the ship.  Luckily the ship quickly sank, which prevented the fire burning anything really important.  Unluckily, the really important stuff was now at the bottom of the sea.

The swirling maelstrom of battle continued, with ZombiePirateXXX leading his crew in many brave boarding actions.  Eventually though, the major participants were exhausted and damaged beyond repair.  The Bone Griffon ship was virtually crewless, the Dragon Lords had all abandoned ship, the Humans were wishing they had brought more lifeboats, and the Elves were lamenting the fact that they were never going to get home in time for their favourite soap opera.  Except Servitob.  He had been sailing around, taking the occasional shot at the enemy to make it look like he was doing something useful.  In fact his Shroud Mage battleship was still fully functional.  Eventually, after several hours of manouvering he positioned his battleship to the stern of the remaining Humans.  Shroud Mage cannons roared and the new paint was stripped off them by the amazing heat of shot, striking a fatal blow to Sea Lord Banker’s ailing battleship.  The human ship exploded in a holy conflagration, spreading debris, cutlery and teapots all around.  The Elves could not believe their luck as the humans’ best tableware and fancy linen fell from the sky.  They quickly started stuffing it in their handbags, mumbling ‘Finders keepers, losers weepers’ and similar mantras until their ship was so overloaded, it too sunk.

And thus Admiral Servitob was able to sail into the glorious horizon of victory.